- Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make mistakes when nobody is looking.
- Money can’t buy happiness but it can certainly rent it for a couple of hours.
- Eat drink and be merry, for tomorrow they may make it illegal.
- When in charge, ponder. When in doubt, mumble. When in trouble, delegate.
- There’s nothing more restful than taking orders from fools.
- He who laughs last didn’t get the joke.
- Why be difficult when with a bit of effort you can be impossible?
- I’d rather have Lockheed deliver the mail than ride around in a plane built by the post office.
- Time flies when you don’t know what you’re doing.
- Age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill.
- We are the people our parents warned us about.
- Love your enemies. It’ll make ‘em crazy.
- Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
- Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
- Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
- He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.
- Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose.
- Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.
- Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat.
- To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
- A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.
- When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
- Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
- If you keep your feet firmly on the ground, you’ll have trouble putting on your pants.
- What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer? An offer you can’t understand.
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