25 Funny Facebook Updates

• Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make mistakes when nobody is looking.
• Money can’t buy happiness but it can certainly rent it for a couple of hours.
• Eat drink and be merry, for tomorrow they may make it illegal.
• When in charge, ponder. When in doubt, mumble. When in trouble, delegate.
• There’s nothing more restful than taking orders from fools.
• He who laughs last didn’t get the joke.
• Why be difficult when with a bit of effort you can be impossible?
• I’d rather have Lockheed deliver the mail than ride around in a plane built by the post office.
• Time flies when you don’t know what you’re doing.
• Age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill.
• We are the people our parents warned us about.
• Love your enemies. It’ll make ‘em crazy.
• Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
• Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
• Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
• He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.
• Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose.
• Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.
• Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat.
• To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
• A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.
• When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
• Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
• If you keep your feet firmly on the ground, you’ll have trouble putting on your pants.
• What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer? An offer you can’t understand.

Source - FunFacebookStatus

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30 Funny Facebook Status Updates

• When you have a flask, every hour is happy hour. 
• Better to light a candle than to curse the darkness. 
• Never drink water – if it can rust iron, imagine what it can do to your stomach. 
• It doesn’t matter what temperature the room is. It’s always room-temperature. 
• Always forgive your enemies – Nothing annoys them so much. 
• When you’re right, no one remembers. When you’re wrong, no one forgets. 
• Always borrow money from a pessimist.A  He won’t expect it back. 
• If you can’t see the bright side of life, polish the dull side. 
• Where there’s a will, there are five hundred relatives. 
• Accept that some days you’re the pigeon and some days you’re the statue. 
• The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there’s a 90% probability you’ll get it wrong. 
• If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking, and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong? 
• Better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot. 
• Everyone is gifted. Some open the package sooner. 
• Suburbs are areas where they cut down trees and then name the streets after them. 
• Never forget a friend, especially those that owe you–Chinese Proverb 
• You can’t have everything, where would you put it? 
• Strangers have the best candy. 
• Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, you’ll be a mile from them, and you’ll have their shoes. -Jack Handy 
• If at first you DO succeed, try not to look astonished! 
• When the blind leadeth the blind, get out of the way. 
• Keep smiling – it makes everyone wonder what you’re up to. 
• There’s always a light at the end of the tunnel…just hope it’s NOT a train! 
• If it doesn’t fit, force it; if it breaks, it needed replacement anyway. 
• If two wrongs don’t make a right, try three. 
• Education is what you get from reading the small print. Experience is what you get from not reading it. 
• Money may not buy happiness, but it sure makes misery much easier to live with. 
• Whoever said money can’t buy happiness doesn’t know where to shop. 
• There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can’t. 

[Source - FunFacebookStatus]

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